"You couldn’t take my pain away and I didn’t want it gone. For a while, it was all I had."
written by Charles Bukowski, Screams From the Balcony (via cvdlifee)
Anonymous said: Where'd you get your theme? I like it. May I know? :)
Cliche butterflies swarming and churning in my stomach started to appear from the exquisite sadness I feel. You smiled and walked to where I was and I smiled back at you. You gave me a hug and I was counting the seconds in my head forgetting to see if your skin feels as it always used to.
"How are you?" It hurt like hell, but when you asked, I said I was okay. We exchanged a few more questions asking, "How have you been?" and it hurts to know that what we actually meant was "What happened" "Where did you go?" I probably stood there for a good minute with the wind on my back and the world beneath me; until now, looking into your eyes was home. Soon enough, the butterflies in my stomach died and turned into heavy stones because it still kills me to look into your eyes and pretend like we didn’t have the time of our lives together.
The air cooled as you walked away from me towards her.
You have been gone for quite a while now and I count the hours on the walls, it will be exactly thirty thousand two hundred and forty when I finish this.
I tried to write about how I feel but all I could come up was a series of empty words. I tried to tell people about how my day went; how everyone but me seemed to have their life together but they told me that all they could hear was this white noise and a voice screaming "Let me out! Let me out!". I swear to God I am trying my best to bare my soul but everything I spit out of my mouth is black with ashes, but it still tastes like him.
All I have ever wanted is for my skin to stop feeling like barrier and with him, I am entirely unafraid of release.
It’s four in the morning and I’m still trying to fill the huge hole in my heart. I still can’t seem to piece together what he took from me. There are so many times I looked for answers in cups of coffee but my hands got cold before I found clarity.
It’s four in the morning and I am still trying to build walls so high that the memories of him couldn’t get out and new people couldn’t go in. And I am trying so hard to change but the best I can do now is wonder if she will ever start a fire within him that he will never have the power to extinguish.
Do people you like have a radar on them? Like you could be getting over them and one day you don’t think about them at all and the next day they walk past you or say hi or smile or exist and you’re like fuck.
written by i said this to myself in my head when i was inexcusably drunk one night at a party and saw this guy (of mine?) giving his hands, his heart and his admiration to someone else. i couldn’t be mad because he wasn’t mine, but he also wasn’t hers either (via poetrea)